Thursday, 15 December 2011

The End

0 days: Track Eleven: Dorothy's arrival



Where do we go from here? UP

11. Dorothy's arrival


The journey closes as a new one begins.

The most important lesson of all.

To receive.

My life has opened in her smile.

The love of my life represents everything to me: Magic, love, life, existence, the universe.

Somewhere between starting to write and meeting her, the line between everything became blurred.

I mean the all encompassing EVERYTHING.

The big one.

She reminds me of who I am and why I am here. She reminds me of the man that I am and the man that I want to be. She reminds me of how weak I am and how strong.

In falling in love with her, I fell in love in love with life.

Writing "The Portrait Diaries" changed my life or maybe my life changed and "The Portrait Diaries" documented it.

The answer lies in fact that it is both.

Upon turning our attention to changing our life we do just that and we get what we ask for. We work with a masterful force and we carve our lives out before us one step at a time.

I will receive love. I will go to be a happy man who leads a full life. I smile back at the man that I once was and in turn to the small boy. I tell them "It is ok, I am here". They can see me waving from the future. I am dressed in white.

I smile at all of the memories that I have and all the people that I knew.

I have loved them all.

I am proud to walk into to my future knowing that I will never give up and I will always stand tall.

Nothing will beat me and I will do everything to be true to my real self in spite of the fear.

My real self is good and pure. I am the light that guides the way.

Richard you are and always will be okay. I love you.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

It has been a pleasure

I present you

"The Portrait Diaries"

- Richard Hodgekins December 14th 2011

0 days: Track Ten: New morning





Where do we go from here? UP

10. New morning


The first song that I had written for "The Portrait Diaries" period.

In retrospect the lyrics floor me.

Prophetically the lyrics say it all.

Another piece of proof.

Know where you came from and awake into your new morning.

0 days: Track Nine: For you




Where do we go from here? UP

9. For you


A moment to look back retrospectively at the past events of my life and now everything moved into perspective.

Nothing "bad" had ever happened to me!

Now I could see that I was always on my way here and by being here everything was becoming true.

It's like my life was changing from a fiction book in a factual book. When fiction becomes fact in front of your eyes the perspective of your existence shifts to pure clarity.

Just knowing that she existed was enough for me.

I had gone through it for a reason! Because if she was real then ALL of it was!

WE create our existence. The true path exists and your instinct will tell you that, but you ARE in control to draw anything and everything.

Step 9: Be grateful even for the "bad times" through the clarity that you are on your way to the better times.

0 days: Track Eight: Fire-lights





Where do we go from here? UP

8. Fire-lights


As you move up the levels the human animal side of you will try to keep you on the ground as much as it can. It is an in-bulit mechanism within the human self as strong as "denial".

It does this because the animal side of us just wants to eat and pro create. This is what you are fighting. Survival instinct.

But you are not here to survive in a literal sense because your body WILL die. Your energy is wasted by living in this way. This is the human condition. We are all born spiraling out of control because we all know we will one day die.

What makes this worse is that when things start happening in good ways for us it brings out all of our short comings which in turn will lead us back to where we started.

Fire-lights is about the final letting go of fear and believing in destiny, love and LIFE.

Step 8: This one took me my whole life to realise and I had tears in my eyes when I heard it reiterated back to me from another source. If you are going to take ONE thing from "the portrait diaries" or my work in general the following line is as great a one as I shall ever speak:

"The true opposite of fear is faith"

0 days: Track Seven: Everlasting rose




Where do we go from here? UP

7. Everlasting rose


Faced with an impossible scenario I felt the timelessness of our connection and was grasping to write it in concrete.

I needed it written on paper but it was written in the stars.

I have always felt feeble as an artist because I am human. This takes away from the purer form. I guess on some level I will have to admit that "Everlasting rose" is as close a song as any that I have written that comes somewhere close to conveying the truth behind it's imagining.

Why do we have to suffer that by which we live when it alters true form?

We can see true beauty but once you look her in the eye she becomes elusive again. Never put your finger on it. Let it happen around you, be aware of it but let it grow.

I never knew how raw true love truly was.

0 days: Track Six: Pathways




Where do we go from here? UP

6. Pathways


An explosion of the primary senses but all happening in slow motion.

Like a view of life from an angle never before seen.

I always knew that I knew, even now I know but I couldn't put my finger exactly on what it is I know.

An ultimate knowing an ultimate peace.

Well even through knowing- I still feel that it is quite shocking just how powerful the levels are when "what you know" starts happening to you. I wonder if we ever get over that. The human-brain is wired for logic. What a shame for us.

I could see myself and my energy heading one way then BANG I hit with another energy. Her energy was as great as mine, as confusing as confounding as literal and as raw.

What did this mean?



For the first time, I had met a person through the power of "IT".

What I had asked for in "(Just like) Dorothy" was coming true. I realised that the first song that I wrote for this period was "New morning" which held the lyric:

"I'll be closer in the morning when she comes"

I looked back to the day that she first contacted me and it was the morning after I had written that song. That compiled with "(Just like) Dorothy", with these feelings of always knowing her and the one of always knowing what "I knew" meant that things were starting to take a shape and form way out of my level. I had always created beyond my levels but this was a new stratosphere.

It was like putty but in a form I'd never seen. Malleable but always pinging gently back to where IT wanted us to go.

Two pathways colided, I'm glad I was there to write it down.

Step Six. Beat the panic barrier. Rise to the purer POWER.

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

0 days: Track Five: Pretty lights




Where do we go from here? UP

5. Pretty lights


As part of my new calling, further on down the river I had a new destination that I wanted to stop and look at.

For the first time in my life there was a destination on my life map that felt true. By letting go of the past and the people in my life it was like the future was revealing itself to me.

Letting go and becoming ONE with my true path was happening simultaneously. Whilst writing the diaries I was contacted through them, this person felt like a dream to me, like someone I knew long ago in another existence.

Trying to separate the elation of looking for the good from the good happening to me was getting harder to do. I was finding the key. I knew that this felt right that this was my destiny but the human part of me wanted to SEE it to believe it.

I never believed that part of me - "the doubter" but this was his dying call.

My soul knew. I knew the beauty in her eyes before I ever saw them. We were half the world away from one another but I could feel it. I have never felt separation like that before. The space between us.

Step 5 - A Lesson -Seeing is NOT believing. Believing is believing. Inside. I knew.

You already know.

0 days: Track Four: Run with the river




Where do we go from here? UP

4. Run with the river


After hearing the call I became aware of where I needed to go spiritually and physically. I needed to let go of the people around me, within myself without myself. I needed to break the emotional ties and connections. You cannot truly love nor know yourself whilst you are surrounded by the patterns that you have bulit up over your life. Although you may think it - those things are not your life. People, places, times - all of those things are not your life.

You are pure energy and you are here to EXPERIENCE. The soul loves being in the body that you have. The soul is RAW energy.

Scientifically, spiritually, factually: energy cannot be destroyed. This means that the energy that is YOU living inside that body of yours WAS ALWAYS and WILL ALWAYS be.

You are like a flower growing towards the sun. You are made from the very same material. Your energy wants to grow thats why it manifested into that body when your physical mother and father had sex. Your vessel is one of a human being and YOU were born into it.

The unfortunate part is that the energy that is YOU gets confused by being in that human body. Because the brain works in patterns, by the time we grow up we believe that we are the things around us or that have happened to us!

"Run with the river" was my moment of seeing the river of my journey, my future, and remembering that I'm here to grow and move on. I'll be on this river for the rest of my life here.

We all are.

Step four. Let GO. Move on.

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

8 Days: Track Three: Petals of a rose




Where do we go from here? UP

3. Petals of a rose


The album moves now to track three "Petals of a rose" which is a realisation of the physical manifestation of dreams.

I no longer had my dreams but I did not believe them dead nor missing but saw them still out there touching or moving forms with someone else ( "Someone else's hand", "Someone else's thoughts") or some thing else ("Through the petals of a rose").

This is moment where I could "see" my future through my past brought back to me on the wind. The wind carries greatness, it whispers magic to you if you want to hear it. I heard it once more back from my past through to my future via that wild wild wind.

A moment of elation for sure. Still, calm, elation.

Step three on your journey: Hear your call.